So, I decided to tell you something very private, something no one in the whole world knows. But first, I'll trust you with another thing.
It's the story of my very first love and how I left him for some conservative prick who wasn't half as good, and how I ended up with the guy I'm with now.
I'm telling you this story hoping none of you will judge me, trust that I'm not some hoe. Knowing it is, in my condition, hard to know what you want.
I'm not saying schizophrenia is an excuse for treating people like I did, but all I'm saying is: schizophrenics have a harder time finding themselves, and that's why I should probably be alone for some time, but for some reason I just can't keep myself from bonding romantically with people, and I guess that's what ruined it from the start.
This will take some time for me to write but I feel like you should all know.
torsdag den 15. januar 2015
onsdag den 14. januar 2015
My medicine
So, I saw this post
The one is my medicine and two other meds (Ativan and Xanax, both used to treat anxiety).
A Man Got High on 52 Different Drugs Then Drew These Trippy Self-Portraits
on ryot.org (post here), and noticed two of the drugs is my medicine! Abilify, or aripiprazole.
Abilify is antidepressive and antipsychotic medicine, mainly used to treat schizoprenia.
The one is my medicine and two other meds (Ativan and Xanax, both used to treat anxiety).
The result ended up
The next one was on Abilify only, but 90 mg! I think this one pretty fascinating:
This just makes me think of what's in my medicine.
Uzumaki
I just want to make everyone know that this manga exists:
Even if you don't read manga - take a look. It's short and very interesting, kinda trippy actually. I read it months ago and am still thinking about it whenever I see a spiral.
Complete lyrics pt 1
You can see it everywhere you look
Awoken by the morning bird
People they ain't no good
"And everyone is ashamed of you"
Everybody see, this is a hard ride for I am not a very interesting person, but I'll tell you everything there is to know about me.
I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, have spent more than enough time being hospitalized and unfortunately had to drop out of high school. So, so far, I'm a mentally ill high school dropout.
I'll tell you a little about being schizophrenic:
It's awful.
And I'm afraid that is all there is to say about it - you wake up in the middle of the night, and someone put a dead pig in your room. Your own mother put up a camera to film you puking after you had binged. You were forced by your own mind to overdose on paracetamol. The robot insects films you, and you have to cover every hole in your room with toothpaste. You laugh at something sad, and everyone is ashamed of you.
Hideous, hideous, I tell you.
But as I said, I won't keep anything from you; everything I experience you'll experience.
I used to write stories, but after I have fallen ill, I haven't got that much of a surplus to do anything, but I'll share some stories with you once in a while. I'm working on a major novel called Dance with Lonely Shadows, and actually - right now, I'll tell you what it's about:
It's about this guy, a lonely fellow. He's a social worker, and ends up hitting one of his clients with his car, by accident, of course. He can't just leave the corpse there, so he decides to take it home sdkdklsdlksdk I just realised I'm really bad at telling what my stories are about. I'll just post some of it later, it's easier that way.
Also, I started playing guitar. I'm really bad at it. And I write music. Which I also am really bad at. I can't sing. Or play. Or write lyrics. Or music. DON'T WORRY, I'LL SHARE IT ANYWAY!
It's just, I don't feel like leaving this Earth before I've published a book and an EP.
P.S. if you hate someone really bad, go glitter them http://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/.
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